Reuters, the world's biggest news and financial information organisation, has launched a scathing attack on European sloth which, it says, leaves markets unprepared for monetary union. The main focus of Reuters' spleen is the European Monetary Institute, the forerunner of a fully fledged European central bank. The EMI, it says, has showed little initiative in resolving key issues in harmonising market conventions, in debt markets in particular, to ensure a smooth transition to the euro in 1999."We're still working on the assumption that EMU will happen on time," Andre Villeneuve, Reuters commercial director, said."But we're not seeing much effort on the part of the EMI to resolve these issues ... it's beginning to get very urgent now."Reuters concerns are far removed from the worries about sovereignty, Maastricht Treaty conditions, exchange rate levels and the threat of deflation worrying many of Europe's politicians, not least in the UK.Instead, they are at the technical sharp end, but no less crucial, it feels, if EMU is to work.In particular, the EMI has been slow to address harmonisation of terms and conditions of government and corporate bonds, settlement dates and trading mechanisms.The failure will make it impossible from day one to provide markets with key basic information."We need clarity. It sounds very mundane, but it's fundamental to the smooth functioning of these markets," Mr Villeneuve said.Reuters is one of the UK's biggest corporate success stories since its flotation 13 years ago. Now worth pounds 10bn it is Britain's biggest quoted media group after BSkyB.International press reports now only provide a small part of its income, with the vast bulk deriving from the provision of financial information and trading systems to money, bond and equity markets.Mr Villeneuve sought to downplay market concerns about the effect monetary union would have on its revenue.Last year, foreign exchange accounted for pounds 459m of its pounds 2.9bn global revenues, but trading between European Union currencies only took 7-9 per cent of that, and will be replaced by new opportunities, he said.. Exactly 24.35 million of us watched the final episode of Only Fools and Horses at Christmas, 23.76 million sat hurling abuse at the telly during the England v Germany game in Euro 96, and around 300,000 tuned in for Channel 5's new soap opera, Family Affairs, last Monday.

Ever wondered how they know what we're all viewing? Is Big Brother watching us watching Kilroy? Or, more plausibly, perhaps there's some sort of electronic tagging device in our sets that tells TV analysts what's on the box in every home: ".. 16 million and two ... and, yes, Bunhill's watching the programme about the burrowing abilities of the armadillo ... that's 16 million and three." The truth, in fact, is rather less sinister. Somewhere out there are 4,500 confessional souls whose every lapse in taste is recorded by the Broadcasters' Audience Research Board (BARB) and used as a proxy for who's watching what throughout the country. So whatever your age, class or ethnic origin, someone will be smashing up the TV set on your behalf at any mention of the election.The technology, meanwhile, is supplied by the business services group Taylor Nelson and comes in the form of a black box perched on top of the set.

The information is downloaded for "interrogation" by the ratings analysts.Now heaven knows the identity of these people who make up the sample. Perhaps they're the same mysterious but "representative" figures who respond to opinion polls - and we all know how reliable they are.However, Peter Marsh at Taylor Nelson says 4,500 is the biggest TV "panel" in the world, and the Independent Television Commission agrees that the system is as sophisticated as it could be. Mr Marsh also points out that, unlike opinion polls, people can't lie or change their minds.I'm not sure about that last argument. I'm willing to wager that members of the sample audience have at some time tuned their TVs into a documentary about the didactic imperatives of post-structuralist sculpture, and then nipped next door to watch Noel's House Party.Failing all this, however, we still have the famous "kettle on" power surge at the end of momentous TV events - a phenomenon, we were told, that was particularly violent following the England v Germany match last summer I wasn't at all convinced about this. After all, when you've ritually abused yourself with a six-pack of lager and a takeaway curry, are you really going to want a cup of tea?AMID all the election frenzy last week, few papers paid any attention to a demand from employers' organisations that the Government shift April Fools' Day out of the working week.Office pranks on 1 April may seem like harmless fun, but apparently they are costing British business millions of pounds each year. Last week, for instance, the CBI reported the case of a chief executive who had to be in the office for 8 o'clock one morning to take a phone call from Tokyo about a potentially lucrative contract.

The previous night, however, junior workers had got hold of his office security pass and replaced his picture with a photo of a Spice Girl. Unable to get past reception the following morning, the boss missed the call and lost out on the contract.And in another incidence of high-risk tomfoolery last week, a unit trust manager apparently piled money into an obscure biotechnology company in Australia after being told that it had found a way of cloning the wombat.However, these horror stories have been given a happy ending since all three of the main political parties agreed that the employers' request should be nodded through. As from today, therefore, April Fools' Day will fall on a Sunday.. The commodities world plies a vast, but highly secretive trade. The business of shipping billions of tonnes of foodstuffs year in, year out is dominated by a handful of global giants, privately owned and publicity shy. Firms such as Cargill, the Minneapolis-based trader which owns Sun Valley Poultry over here; Bunge, the huge Argentinian agri-business, registered in tax haven Bermuda for added good measure; and Louis Dreyfus, the giant French "King of Wheat", founded on a farm in Alsace 150 years ago. ED&F Man, Britain's champion on the world stage, should be that rare exception to the secretive tendency It is quoted on the stock exchange Analysts research it The firm issues six-monthly and annual accounts.

It should, you would think, be as open and approachable as any publicly quoted company.City experience since the firm's flotation in 1994, however - and that of a stonewalled Independent on Sunday in the past four months - suggests that Man is still possessed by the obsessive secrecy of its peers.Sure enough, it might have good reason. With the US once more flexing its muscles, the main object of our interest, Cuba, is a highly delicate area. But obduracy often raises further questions - about profits and balance sheets - and rarely wins friends.It also loses advisers. Last month Financial Dynamics, the PR firm that guided Man through its flotation, resigned - an unusual step but one taken in frustration at the lack of wherewithal to woo the press and the City, where the group remains little understood and largely shunned.Man trades a variety of commodities around the world, from cocoa to nuts, spices, molasses and alcohol. It also has a growing and respected financial services arm, with $1bn (pounds 600m) of funds under management, and operations in the US.It is in sugar, however, that the group retains its niche, reflecting the sugar broking roots of its founder James Man over 200 years ago. Man has 16 per cent of world cross-border sugar trade, a remarkable achievement for a pounds 480m company.And if you are big in sugar, you are inevitably in Cuba, one of the world's largest exporters of the stuff.Or at least, you used to be. Last March, in a pre-election pitch for votes, President Clinton signed anti-Cuba legislation sponsored by right- wing Republican senators Jesse Helms and Dan Burton.